Must.Keep.Going

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You’ve felt it, I’ve felt it… those un-motivated feels.

I’ve been pretty unrealistic in my goals and expected my blog to be in a better place ( more views etc) by now which has left me feeling underwhelmed. As it was pointed out to me I need to be more realistic and realize that things take time.

Still, finding the motivation to better my blog and to keep putting out content has been hard lately. The comments and views lately have been from Facebook blog commenting/ viewing threads which don’t get me wrong I’m grateful for their support but I feel I want more views from WordPress forums/ people finding this online.

To continue I know I need to draft topics out and return to writing helpful advice as that’s one of my main aims for my blog. I also need to structure things more. I ask of you- any advice to continue?  for example how to draft posts, get external views and find motivation?

For now, going to go source motivation. Trying not to give up!

Until Next Time.

GIF CREDIT: https://giphy.com/gifs/instead-87xihBthJ1DkA

Is there anybody out there?

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This GIF though…

*POTENTIAL ANXIETY TRIGGER*

But seriously, down to business. Apparently Autistic people can be oblivious to what’s happening among their peers, or what’s around them .. or even what’s happening to themselves? ( this is what I’ve heard and I don’t know if opinion or not.)

Call me nerdy but I do pay attention to the news and current affairs (fake news or not, I don’t know) and holly heck am I terrified. You no doubt have heard about tensions with USA/ North Korea and about the Civil War in Syria and I am petrified about the prospect of what could happen. Nobody wins in war.

I don’t want to talk about Politics but I want to mention that the prospect of Nuclear War and/ or other potential devastation has caused me sleepless nights and sometimes hours of watching Nuclear War Movies (in particular the British movie Threads (1984) ) wide-eyed and breathless. Is this what the Cold War felt like? or worse? ( I wasn’t around then.)

I’ve had daydreams ( I daydream like crazy) of alarms going off and me stuck out in the open or alone at home frozen on the spot not knowing what to do. I dream that I face the prospect of never seeing my Family again and facing a nuclear wasteland alone. I dream of being in constant hysterics and wishing I was vaporized the minuet the dam bomb hit.

In regards to Syria I think of all the poor people caught in the devastation and daily horror and as selfish as this may seem I don’t wish to mention more about this as it could cause conflict.

But am I overthinking the whole situation and/ or dramatizing things? as I’m very good at that. Is my anxiety taking over and causing me to fixate on world situations? do I just need to relax and breathe? I don’t know but I beg for someone to tell me the answer.

Now, about myself. About two weeks ago I had a Psychiatrist appointment that I’d been waiting about three months for. This was to hopefully diagnose ADHD, which happened… but didn’t.

I have symptoms of ADHD but situations that happened to me as a Child may have caused the symptoms too. I am eligible for medication but I don’t fit the criteria for a Diagnosis, unless I seek further advice which would cost thousands.

Understandably I was frustrated as I was hoping for an answer. I’ve had the symptoms for as long as I can remember but did the events hype things up? can’t explain this properly but basically do I really know how I feel? am I an expert of my own mind or am I wrong about how I feel as sometimes I can’t process things?

Can somebody tell me? …. is there anybody out there?

Until next time.

GIF CREDIT: https://giphy.com/gifs/sad-a9xhxAxaqOfQs

 

 

 

Why you say that!?

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Before I start ranting, I’ll admit when people state the following that they are most likely trying to help or provide some sort of comfort and support and/ or don’t understand Mental Illness which is fine… I guess.

But hands up if you’ve ever heard the following;

“It’s in your head!”

“You need to think happier thoughts/ stop thinking so negative!”

“Why are you depressed? you have great Friends/ a great life (further examples) so why are you depressed?”

” You don’t need to be anxious! just quit being so scared over it!”

“Think happier thoughts!”

” Just eat healthier and get more sleep/exercise. You’ll be better after.”

“Why do you need medication? it’s not necessary”

“Don’t be on medication for too long!”

“You can change your thinking, you just need to try harder.”

“Why are you so scared of (example?) it’s so silly! ”

I know there are heaps more things that have been said to me but I can’t think of them right now. Have you ever had these said to you? how did it make you feel?

Personally, these statements frustrate me to no end. I just want to scream when I hear them! Do you think I want to be anxious? do you think I want to be depressed even when yes I do have good Friends and that? Why are you frustrated if I’m on Medication for a long time? it helps me function better than I would off them so why does that bother you? you don’t think I’m already trying as hard as I can to change the way I think?

People do want to help as I said above and that I know, but statements like what I’ve listed to need to stop as it can make us feel worse, can increase our anger/ anxiety and other things. Please, if you do wish to help please just listen and if we ask for advice please give it. Sometimes, we just want someone to rant to and share our feelings with, we don’t want statements such as above. By the way if you’re one of those who wants to help people like us, thank you. You need a medal!

Sorry for such a short post. Attention span of a brick again.

Until Next Time!

GIF CREDIT! https://giphy.com/gifs/mrw-reddit-comment-tJeGZumxDB01q

If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad!?

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I got offered an amazing opportunity at work today

My anxiety hasn’t been this low in ages

Creativity levels and motivation to write haven’t been this high, I think for months

Body confidence has been pretty good, I can rock skinny jeans and a tight top!

I’ve been given heaps of praise and compliments lately…

So why the hell am I so miserable?!

My drive home from work I could barely smile or sing which is what I would normally do during a time like this, I couldn’t eagerly read through paperwork or wonder what I would be like undertaking this opportunity. All I could do was sob.

Is this depression? is this Autism? this I can not answer but all I can say is I feel so low… low enough to reach the pits of the abyss.

Am I selfish for feeling this way? maybe. Am I over-reacting? most likely. Am I going to feel better in the morning?

Or is this anxiety talking and negative things I’ve heard repeating themselves through my head? or is this depression seeping back through pulling me down and taking me back to step one? Am I not allowed happiness and the drive to succeed?

I’ve written down what’s going through my head right now as I’ve mentioned before… it’s one of the things that can sometimes help me. Question is, will it halt things for now?

Updates soon. Situation unknown.

Take care of yourselves you wonderful people!

Until next time.

CREDIT FOR GIF: https://giphy.com/gifs/spongebob-season-1-episode-14-3oxOCwwg0LvrKe5LoY