This GIF though…
*POTENTIAL ANXIETY TRIGGER*
But seriously, down to business. Apparently Autistic people can be oblivious to what’s happening among their peers, or what’s around them .. or even what’s happening to themselves? ( this is what I’ve heard and I don’t know if opinion or not.)
Call me nerdy but I do pay attention to the news and current affairs (fake news or not, I don’t know) and holly heck am I terrified. You no doubt have heard about tensions with USA/ North Korea and about the Civil War in Syria and I am petrified about the prospect of what could happen. Nobody wins in war.
I don’t want to talk about Politics but I want to mention that the prospect of Nuclear War and/ or other potential devastation has caused me sleepless nights and sometimes hours of watching Nuclear War Movies (in particular the British movie Threads (1984) ) wide-eyed and breathless. Is this what the Cold War felt like? or worse? ( I wasn’t around then.)
I’ve had daydreams ( I daydream like crazy) of alarms going off and me stuck out in the open or alone at home frozen on the spot not knowing what to do. I dream that I face the prospect of never seeing my Family again and facing a nuclear wasteland alone. I dream of being in constant hysterics and wishing I was vaporized the minuet the dam bomb hit.
In regards to Syria I think of all the poor people caught in the devastation and daily horror and as selfish as this may seem I don’t wish to mention more about this as it could cause conflict.
But am I overthinking the whole situation and/ or dramatizing things? as I’m very good at that. Is my anxiety taking over and causing me to fixate on world situations? do I just need to relax and breathe? I don’t know but I beg for someone to tell me the answer.
Now, about myself. About two weeks ago I had a Psychiatrist appointment that I’d been waiting about three months for. This was to hopefully diagnose ADHD, which happened… but didn’t.
I have symptoms of ADHD but situations that happened to me as a Child may have caused the symptoms too. I am eligible for medication but I don’t fit the criteria for a Diagnosis, unless I seek further advice which would cost thousands.
Understandably I was frustrated as I was hoping for an answer. I’ve had the symptoms for as long as I can remember but did the events hype things up? can’t explain this properly but basically do I really know how I feel? am I an expert of my own mind or am I wrong about how I feel as sometimes I can’t process things?
Can somebody tell me? …. is there anybody out there?
Until next time.
GIF CREDIT: https://giphy.com/gifs/sad-a9xhxAxaqOfQs